The Great White North Liberation Army Launches Attack

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yamafitter

Reigning NERDS Granite Lane Gold Medalist
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We bring Greetings and Salutations from Her Majesty The Queen to our neighbours (note spelling of "neighbours") upon your recent nomination of The Donald as one of the candidates for goverenor or whatever of the recent colonies.

The Great White North Liberation Army has been charged with the responsibility delivering the following message to Red Lodge from Queen Elizabeth II

"In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one)


Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen! II

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Any successful assault requires careful planning which requires beer, real beer not the watery piss found in most corner stores to the south....
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and good pub fare.....

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Beer and pub fare are always involved in the best plans.

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We rolled out of Ray's place early the next morning and made it to the first Timmy's we came across before stopping. From there we headed over to Ray's friend Jeff who lives north of London to add his Super Tenere to our collection of assault vehicles. Here we are in Jeff's garage with the bikes loaded up on the mother ship.....

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With the bikes in tow we headed for the beach head. Ray got yelled at by Homeland Security for bringing the trailer through the Nexus lane but we were able to breach the enemy defences and where Westbound and down.

Here are a few other shots of Jeff's garage. I am green with envy....

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We finally called it a day near the halfway point in Cedar Springs, Iowa and am hiding in a corn field....

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- to be continued -

 
In either 1981 or 1982 I had the occasion to be moored alongside HMS Tamar, the then British Naval Base in Hong Kong Harbor.

It was June and the British were all about celebrating the Queen's Birthday.

The formal celebration was quite nice and well done, the Brit's have always been able to muster up a good parade and show.

After the ceremonies were completed we all adjourned to the Officer;s Club located in a quite tall high rise administrative building overlooking the pier.

There was a particularly obnoxious fellow, not unlike the OP of this thread, who, Red Nose and all carrying a full snootful of Scotch, was wandering through the club obnoxiously singing the praises of your good Queen.

After several hours of listening to the prattle, someone, never officially identified, but whose identity will never be revealed, possibly a Yank, was heard to exclaim in a loud voice "Ohh Phuck the Queen"...............................after a long and pregnant pause, the aforementioned obnoxious chap was heard to reply,

"Well, I dare say, Old Chap, You can't even approach her!"

So Phuck the Great white Army and the Queen too!

See you all tomorrow evening, don't eat before you get here, we'll hit the local brewery for some horse piss, then seek sustenance!

 
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All that Queen and Great White North Liberation Army crap reminds me of a movie line from True Grit.

I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!

By the way, what battle has that Great White North Liberation Army ever won??

Oh yeah, the same amount of wars Canada has won.......not a fucking one!!

Just kidding. Looking forward to hanging with that "Army". My dad was born and raised in Bolton England, so I kid a little. Oh and when did Canada become England's bitch. If you want lessons on kicking them out we can show you!!

Good write up Billy!

 
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Nice girly drink your holding there while complaining about our beer. I thought I told them at the border that you clowns were coming and to not let you in.

See you in Red Lodge!

 
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Not even CLOSE to taking over our country! You gotta man up first and learn how to ride your bike down here!!
Speaking as a one-eyed fat man I have rode across the flat boring bits in the past and you can only look at so much corn before being bored out of your mind. To do the same thing again and expect a different result is the definition of insanity. Even the pirates have figured it out that you trialer to Sturgis otherwise all you are doing is wearing out perfectly good tires.

As far as manning up and riding I don't seem to recall any of you Zonie Beemer Nancies riding with me up to the top of the mountain in Mexico for lunch. I do however remember seeing a pickup truck full of girly men jamtarts being hauled up to the top.

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By the way, what battle has that Great White North Liberation Army ever won??
Why do you think there is now a Tim Horton's in Owosso, MI and Eden, NY though I will grant you that Owosso is not much of a prize.

 
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By the way, what battle has that Great White North Liberation Army ever won??
Oh yeah, the same amount of wars Canada has won.......not a fucking one!!
Not sure you win that arguement

How U.S. Forces Failed to Conquer Canada 200 Years Ago

https://www.history.com/news/how-u-s-forces-failed-to-conquer-canada-200-years-ago

Just saying!
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Thank you for the assist my Aussie Commonweath brother.

Also there was the Battle of Vimy Ridge which was the first major battle victory in WW1 that involved Canadian troops under the command of Canadian officers. Up until that point the Canadian forces were led by Britsh command.

Also if you tell a Dutchman that the Americans liberated Holland from the Germans in WWII they will piss in your watery beer. It was the Canadian Army that got the dirty job of driving the Germans out of the Netherlands. This has formed a strong bond between Canada and the Netherlands that lasts to this day.

You need to stop reading those history books printed in Texas. All hat and no cattle you know.

 
I see you waited until after midnight to post so this could be a Friday topic!! Made me chuckle through my morning coffee while sitting at my desk getting my mind in gear for yet another crappy workday. (Retirement still a couple years away!!)

Hope everyone has a terrific time and that the chewing gum and paperclip repairs hold out on the AE clutch!

Cheers!

 
By the way, what battle has that Great White North Liberation Army ever won??
Why do you think there is now a Tim Horton's in Owosso, MI and Eden, NY though I will grant you that Owosso is not much of a prize.
Hey, that's sounds almost like faint praise for my hometown! I'll take it!!

Of course, the last incursion of the Canadian Invasion Force into Eden was not attended by Leftenant Fitter, as I assume he felt that Ray could handle our weak defenses by himself!

 
That's it!!!!! You piss us off again and we might just borrow a bunch of money from China and buy Kunuckastan. Actually, it might not be all that expensive given the value of the Tooney or Looney or whatever the hell it is called. We have three Albertans coming down to our place tomorrow. I'll check with them to see what a reasonable price might be.

 
It's Canada. All we have to do is tell them that we lent them their land all those years ago. They will promptly apologize and hand it over.

 
The Great White North Liberation Army's top secret training video was just released, showing the precision and stealthiness at which they operate. Be afraid, be very afraid!

https://youtu.be/qEIeMP60NQU JSNS

Enjoy the invasion, my Canuckistan friends!

 
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