Lottery winner!

At breakfast, the man asked his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replied, "I'd take half and leave you."

"Great," he said. "Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday. Stay in touch."

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A man won the lottery. He called home and said pack your bags baby I won the lottery. Excited she said should I pack summer clothes or winter clothes?

He said I don't give a damn just be gone when I get home...

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Heh, heh. That's funny stuff right there.

Sounds like mine. First she took her half and then took my half. I ended up with a VW camper and two kids. I still have the kids on my side so I'm the winner.

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarriedsex if she wants to get into heaven.The woman said she would try her best.God visited the woman a month later to see how she was getting on."Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent
over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs and after a month without sex, he pulled up my skirt,pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there."They don’t like that in heaven,” said God.The woman replied, "They're not too happy about it in“Costco” either!"