Happy St. Patrick's Day

[Tyler]

The Texan paid a visit to Galway, Ireland. He enters a pub and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.

Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. 'Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.

The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?'

Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'

 

[dcarver]

Old Michael asks MEM, Tyler, and Barb about a threesome.

...and he was thinking of golf? :rofl:

 

[Old Michael]

:lol:

Good one, beautiful. I'll drink to it.

('Tis indeed a shame that Beemerdons is in Florida.)

 

[wheatonFJR]

Isn't there a joke about a guy, a pair of slippers, and some twin daughters around?

That's my favorite one.

 

[Tyler]

:lol: Good one, beautiful. I'll drink to it.

('Tis indeed a shame that Beemerdons is in Florida.)

Guess I'll have to fill in for him til he teturns...

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' A mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think €*5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary and Joseph. Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?'

 

[wheatonFJR]

:lol: :lol:

 

[Tyler]

Oh fergoodnessake! Is there not one other Irish joke that you kids can come up with? Do I have to do EVERYthing myself?? Sheesh...

Father O' Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is'

'This is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department. Can you help us?'

'I can.'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do'

'Is he a member of your congregation?' He is'

'Did he donate €*10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

 

[Tyler]

The Irish husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE"

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law!

You'll prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going

to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fooking funeral director would be my guess."

 

[Tyler]

Ok... I give up...

 

[Duezzer]

Paddy just leaves the pub - a few sheets to the wind

As he stumbles along by the river he sees some people out in the water

He wades on out and asks "What's going on here"

The priest in disgust with the smell of booze at 11am say

"We be find'in Jesus here, would you like to find Jesus"

The drunk says SURE why not

The priest grabs him dunks him under the water for a bit and brings him back up

"So ya find Jesus Lad" - "Nope can't say I did"

The priest dunks him again - this time a wee bit longer

Up comes Paddy spitting and a coughing - Ya find Jesus the priest asks

Nope can't says I did

The priest dunks him again - this time holding him under for a while

Up comes ol Paddy spitting - eyes all bugged out - coughing in real rough shape

Priest look at ol Paddy - As strongly as he can states "Now lad you find Jesus' -

Paddy looks at him - face all red - all wore out and half drowned and asks

"No sir,are you sure this is where he fell in?"

 

[old&slow]

Ok... I give up...

Sorry, I'm late to the party,,,,,,

Why do the Irish wear kilts ??

,, Because the sound of the zipper on blue jeans will

stampede the sheep...........