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Hi All,  Some may remember me, I'm still around. What a crazy year it has been, I'm sure many would chose to forget if we could. Just wanted to wish my FORUM mates a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Stay safe, happy and well. Hope next year is a bit kinder. Best regards Surly (Steve)

Been a little while since I have posted much please accept my apologies. Thinking of the members of this FORUM and their loved ones at this times of uncertainty. Stay well. Surly(Steve)   

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Mongrel...

My wife used to punch me in the nose whilst having orgasms.............................. I didn't mind too much, until I found out she was faking them!

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to...

An admiral visited one of the ships of the line under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit. He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command. The Chief...

'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said , 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said...

A homeless guy is traveling down a country lane, tired and hungry he comes across a Pub called the "George and the Dragon." Although it's late and the Pub is closed he knocks on the door. The innkeeper's wife sticks her head out of a window. "Could I have some food?" he asks. The woman glances...

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things...

After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine from Victoria has lost his license to practice medicine due to a minor indiscretion. Apparently, it was the result of having had an affair with one of his patients. What a waste of all that time, training and...

Why Men Wear Earrings. Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? So I'm at work one day when I notice one of my co-workers is wearing an earring. I know that this co-worker is normally quite a conservative fellow so I'm a bit curious about his sudden change in "fashion...

A man returns from the tropics feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor who immediately rushes the man to the local hospital to undergo tests. After the tests are completed the man wakes up to the ringing of a telephone in his private room at the hospital. On the other end of the line, the...

In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and indulging the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc.) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel...

Yesterday I didn't show up for breakfast so my wife came upstairs and knocked on our bedroom door to see if everything was OK. She could hear me through the door and I said that I was just running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining room. An half an hour later I still...

A mate of mine has two private box tickets in the Members’ Stan for the 2016 AFL Grand Final…includes business class airfares, all meals and booze, 5 star accommodation, private limo etc. However, to his horror, he now realises that the match is on the same day as his wedding - so he can’t go...

Paddy, The Irish Wrestler A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this...

A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse." The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and...

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls...

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see The sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'" The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over There. May I have it, please?" The man says, "It's in my...