A LITTLE PSYCH 101 HELP

[ladybug]

Even an FJR will eventually quit running with enough neglect.

+10 That's something ALL of you guys can understand! :flirt:

Some of you guys have a lot of wisdom. Some of you remind me of why I'm no longer married. I would not say all men are selfish, insensitive louts, nor do I believe that all women are psychotic bitches (and please don't blame hormones).

Talking is important, but listening to the other person is equally important, if not more. Check your attitude, too. And hers. Don't take any crap, but tell her you'll be ready to listen if and when she's ready to talk honestly, not just accuse/berate or whatever it is we bitches do. <_<

 

[exskibum]

A couple of flippant thoughts, since WC has invoked discussions from the Blackbird forum.

Someone there had the following in his signature: "If it flies, floats or fucks, you're better off renting it."

Someone there also noted that the second worst mistake to make with a woman is to treat her like a sex object. The worst mistake is NOT to treat her like a sex object.

Seems women mostly believe we are simple Cro-Magnon types whose emotional and libidinous buttons are always only as simple and predictable as dogs. Thus, if you don't throw her on the bed as regularly as she expects, then in her mind, something is obviously wrong. If you have something on your mind that affects your libidinous relationship with her, even if only temporarily, then she interprets the changed frequency of your need to rut like a simple animal in an irrational manner. That there may be more going on in your life or mind isn't something most women are equipped to understand or deal with. It's easier to just fall back on the old saw about men and sex, assign a meaning that connotes blame in the male and then start fights over it.

As to neglect, I guess it's a matter of perspective, with mere attention seeking demands being the other side of the neglect coin. Where exactly is the equilibrium point where a woman gets enough attention not to call it neglect? We're wired differently, and I know I sure don't require the extent of direct regular attention demanded by a woman. I'd love to know just exactly how much and the nature of attention (beyond the honey do lists that only seem to go in one direction) required by a woman on a daily basis before we males have to hide out to avoid the wrath caused by our failures to give an adequate amount. And then I'd like to compare it to the kind and extent of attention expected by most men. I have to maintain my motorcycles, but none requires me to daily fondle them, buy them gifts, submit to their superior lectures on how to live my life (to be a "real" man, that is), to look only at them and never at any others, etc. They damn sure don't pitch me off the road for those transgressions.

 

[ladybug]

That there may be more going on in your life or mind isn't something most women are equipped to understand or deal with.

Oh, puh-leeeeeze. We're the complex ones.

 

[sparky3008]

That there may be more going on in your life or mind isn't something most women are equipped to understand or deal with.





Oh, puh-leeeeeze. We're the complex ones.

True ladybug but isn't it always about you and we are suppose to be so shallow that we couldn't possibly have anything on our mind. Just messing with ya, nothing but love...

 

[exskibum]

That there may be more going on in your life or mind isn't something most women are equipped to understand or deal with.





Oh, puh-leeeeeze. We're the complex ones.

If you're joking, I'll join in with you and the conversation might be worth pursuing toward a common understanding. If you're serious, you make my point about the perspective of far too many women about men. I'm NOT saying that in the aggregate, men are as complex as women. Among other things, we tend to mean what we say, not say something that is intended to be decoded through some learned emotional prism. But we're certainly not as simple minded, uneducated or emotionally barren as many women seem to think.

Right now, though, I have one motorcycle on which I need to mount two tires and another on which I have to mount one, no client calls and a window in which to maybe get it done. I like to think of it as sex.

 

[Woodstock]

Any chance she's pregnant?

 

[Scab]

Now, that's an interesting possibility.

That ought to scare the bejeebees out of him.

 

[twowheelnut]

A couple of flippant thoughts, since WC has invoked discussions from the Blackbird forum.
Someone there had the following in his signature: "If it flies, floats or fucks, you're better off renting it."

Someone there also noted that the second worst mistake to make with a woman is to treat her like a sex object. The worst mistake is NOT to treat her like a sex object.

Seems women mostly believe we are simple Cro-Magnon types whose emotional and libidinous buttons are always only as simple and predictable as dogs. Thus, if you don't throw her on the bed as regularly as she expects, then in her mind, something is obviously wrong. If you have something on your mind that affects your libidinous relationship with her, even if only temporarily, then she interprets the changed frequency of your need to rut like a simple animal in an irrational manner. That there may be more going on in your life or mind isn't something most women are equipped to understand or deal with. It's easier to just fall back on the old saw about men and sex, assign a meaning that connotes blame in the male and then start fights over it.

As to neglect, I guess it's a matter of perspective, with mere attention seeking demands being the other side of the neglect coin. Where exactly is the equilibrium point where a woman gets enough attention not to call it neglect? We're wired differently, and I know I sure don't require the extent of direct regular attention demanded by a woman. I'd love to know just exactly how much and the nature of attention (beyond the honey do lists that only seem to go in one direction) required by a woman on a daily basis before we males have to hide out to avoid the wrath caused by our failures to give an adequate amount. And then I'd like to compare it to the kind and extent of attention expected by most men. I have to maintain my motorcycles, but none requires me to daily fondle them, buy them gifts, submit to their superior lectures on how to live my life (to be a "real" man, that is), to look only at them and never at any others, etc. They damn sure don't pitch me off the road for those transgressions.

Lessee if I can condense this:

Gimme a beer and a sangwich, turn on ESPN, polish the ole knob and STFU.

I think that's what he said...

:lol:

 

[ladybug]

Yeah, I'm just playin' wit cha!

As has been said already, some things are worth the trouble and some aren't. If you really care for each other then there's understanding when you need space; both sexes experience that need. And communication is key. Does she know what's going on with you at all?

And compromise--I'll make you a sandwich and get you the remote gladly if I know that you'll do something I'd like sometimes.

If it's all about "me" or "my rights" for either of you, good luck making that work. Maybe a third party (professional) can help sort that out.

 

[SmokeWagon]

Women's faults are few, Men have only two, Every thing they say and Every thing they do. :lol:

 

[Warchild]

And compromise--I'll make you a sandwich and get you the remote gladly if I know that you'll do something I'd like sometimes.

Oh, my. Try to resist, TWN, try to resist...... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[SIZE=8pt]Good one, Ladybug! [/SIZE]

 

[FlyingLow]

This has been one of the deeper discussion threads here in a while.

"Motorcycle riders, and their quasi-dysfunctional relationships, on the next Dr. Phil."

 

[evilmedic13]

Thanks for all the advice,that pretty much mirrors my thoughts on this situation too,and just to clarify 1) i'm 35,she is 32, 2) she's not pregnant ,ask the dog he just ate another one of her tasty 'pons :blink: and 3) I'm the communicative one and when she goes on her tirades i don't even raise my voice,i know it'll only make shit worse. I don't think she quite gets ,even though she's been told a million times,that when she's like this Eddie will not put out! Sorry i just don't see rewarding this kind of behavior w/ sex.Don't get me wrong,i've had make-up sex it's just that there is no making up going on.

Asking the medics is out of the question,just because she's a cop in our response areas and they see her on a regular basis and they are VICIOUS towards anybody like her,especially some of the female medics,talk about mama bears! Also,i'd prefer to let her destroy her own integrity in their eyes.

Today is aprime example of what i'm going through. Right now i'm off work on medical,it was on duty so i get ALL my pay still so there's no money issue here, i pulled a muscle in my hip so the only way i am comfy is on my stomach due to the fact it hurts to sit or lay on either of my sides. This morning i go to medical ,they check me out and tell me to come back next week for my ortho appt,i come home shower and lay down for a little pain free time and a vicodin too. She comes home and starts doing laundry next thing i know it's 5:30 and she's in the shower. I go downstairs and have a smoke,all is well so far. As soon as she's outta the shower she's got the attitude and the bitchin starts,so i ask her (calmly) if she enjoyed the ice show and she says yeah in a real snotty tone(15yo knowitall way)and i asked why she never mentioned it,she says it was last minute w/ her friend barb(believed). After that she goes on about how i lied to her last year when i took the fjr out 2x in the summer and didn't tell her(3am rides,couldn't sleep,back by 4am) and then the "i do everthing and you don't" starts.

Unfortunately i CAN'T mow the lawn because of my lay-up, the city watches people sometimes and i don't want to explain to suspension board why i was mowing the lawn when i'm saying i'm too hurt to work.then she bitches cuz i didn't thaw anything for dinner when i got home from medical,we didnt talk about dinner this morning so i didn't think about it.More bitchin' and finally she does the usual,threatening to go out and do the action du jour today it was go eat w/o me.As usual i tell her to go and what she wants,i wasn't hungry cuz my stomachs all knotted up from the stress,also i'm sleepy too(stress defense mech had since i was a kid). Of course she never goes anywhere just bitches some more about All does and how little i do.I told her to go get me three big nails so i can put them on the wall and she can martyr herself up there anytime she wants. She gets a chuckle out of it and that pretty much diffused it for today.She never did leave,she never does :angry: .

by yhe way,thank you all sooooo much for putting up w/ this soap opera.

P.S

i'm already lookin for apartments,just a little rough w/ a 110lb gsd/great dane mix I don't leave my boy behind. We're a team, I go he goes

 

[Ramblin Man]

Run. Run as fast as you can without getting busted by the city. This won't get better. She's been talking with her friends and you are going through the test. You know, the one a guy is put through to see if he will take the copius amounts of shit she can serve. Its kind of like a pre marital dyno for humans. Only problem is the dyno run never stops. Once you've shown how much shit you'll take to keep her, she'll back it off to just under the breaking point and keep it there FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES. Not on purpose, its just that's how it is. Its a security /self asteem problem. She's worried that you'll leave her so she's going to try and force the situation to see if she's right. That way it's your fault and she doesn't have to deal with her issues. Problem is this will happen forever unless you are boning her like a dog a couple times a day, and maybe even then. Sure a woman wants romance, but she expects you to treat her like a sex aid. You don't and she takes it personal.

If I were you, I'd start treating her like she was a porn slave that you own. She'll either love it and back way off or she'll hate it and leave you. Either way, problem solved and you get some gnarly sex out of the deal. It's really the only way to deal with this type of behavior. Of course with you being injured and all you're going to have to get creative. It's amazing what you can come up with when you combine your imagination and your cordless power tool set. I'll let you take it from there. Just remember to stay in charge. Think alpha male.

 

[wpbfjr]

What do your paramedic buddies think? They know you ...and maybe they know her...

ding ding ding, we have a winner!!!

paramedics and firemen love nutting more than hitting on each others spouses... and they know when you are gone for your 24 hrs...

dana

retired fireman/paramedic

 

[ladybug]

She sounds like a miserable person who wants you to be miserable too. Good luck with the apartment, and thank God you have a dog. They can be the best companions. Don't give up on women; like men, we are NOT all alike.

 

[antvq]

If it's all about "me" or "my rights" for either of you, good luck making that work. Maybe a third party (professional) can help sort that out.

When my ex and I were having it rough I tried to bring in a third party professional.....but the ex didn't want to share the bed with her :blink:

 

[Scab]

She sounds like a miserable person who wants you to be miserable too. Good luck with the apartment, and thank God you have a dog. They can be the best companions. Don't give up on women; like men, we are NOT all alike.

And this is from another lady. Need anyone say more? Like she has said, we wish you and your dog the best. Good luck.

And she's right. They aren't all like that. Just this one.

NEXT!

 

[exskibum]

I don't think she quite gets ,even though she's been told a million times,that when she's like this Eddie will not put out! Sorry i just don't see rewarding this kind of behavior w/ sex.

Wow -- someone else like me! I agree about the reward thing, but that's not what de-horns me. For me, a scold or a shrew who is going after me reduces her usual 9.0 attractiveness/sexiness to somewhere around a 2.0 with that shit. I'm into great sex, and that usually requires a level of mutual surrender, trust, wonder, playfulness and primal mating lust. An obligation to perform or the thought of banging someone who has just done the emasculating, disrespectful, snotty, "I don't like who you are" bullshit you describe isn't the sort of thing that flips my switches.

The apartment with your dog (who does like you) sounds like a good idea. I'm doing the same for almost exactly the same reasons. She's sweet when she wants to be, and that used to be all the time, but the nasty attack side she brings out when she wants to "WIN" some bullshit accusation-a-thon is far too unattractive and unpleasant for me to want to experience more of it. Do you think for a minute that women would put up with the same if we were the ones attacking the adequacy of what they do or contribute?

Loved the "martyr" thing -- can't tell you how many times I've called my soon to be ex GF on exactly that behavior.

Good luck -- sounds like you're going to be a lot better moving on.

 

[exskibum]

Don't give up on women; like men, we are NOT all alike.

Alas, I've always believed that and have spent my entire adult life with women as a serial monogomist. Being in a mutually good, loving, supporting relationship/partnership with someone whom you admire, trust and desire is the best.

But at this age, I don't have all that many years left, and I don't want to spend them in the angst that comes from failed relationships or insane women who cannot "live and let live" and agree to simply enjoy the short time we have together on this planet. There is plenty of conflict and nastiness to be found in this world, and I sure don't need it at home, where I want to make a refuge from it. So, despite the fact that turning gay isn't an option for me, I am seriously considering giving up on women for the first time ever. It's just a matter of too much pain for the potential pleasure. Now, if I was good at identifying which ones would not be insane, I'd have a different perspective, but that's apparently one of my true inadequacies.

One of the best things about being single is that you're never "wrong", especially for having a good day when she didn't. :yahoo: