SwollenRaccoon
Well-known member
Being old, and it being 4 years since my last time, my physician deemed it appropriate to have a stool test to check for signs of colon cancer. I had a proctoscope when I was 50, and it came back clean and shiny, so subsequent tests are done by pooping in a bucket. The preparation for such an event isn't nearly as loud, violent, caustic, or painful (Oh, my poor winker...) as the preparation for a poop-chute scope, but it has its own concerns, some of them possibly humorous, depending on your level of depravity, or your tendency toward queaziness. You may laugh, or get nauseous, but I won't pass judgement. I'm just being honest, and doing (mostly) as the doctor ordered, so to speak.
I won't go into the details of the procedure itself (you're welcome), butt (intended) thankfully, everything went as well as that sort of thing can go. No spills, missed targets, blood, soiled laundry, or confused, scared cat running through the house wondering why her owner apparently got human fecal matter on her otherwise pristine fur. Everything got packed up tight and sealed in the provided ColoGuard box. Butt, one thing caught my attention several years ago, when ColoGuard started advertising on TV. Their logo. Subtle, stylized, yet easily recognized, once you understand what's going to go IN the box. Once you see it, you won't be able to NOT see it.
So, before I took the still-warm box to the UPS store to shit (oops, SHIP) it to the lab for testing, I thought I would add the obvious missing geometry to the logo on the box, just to clarify the contents for anyone unfamiliar with the company and its practices.
When the nice young lady at the shipping store saw the old f*ck bringing the box in, she barely gave it a glance. I bet she sees a dozen a day. Butt, then she saw my added artwork, and cracked (see what I did there?) a little smirk. She proceeded along very professionally, then asked if I wanted a receipt. I said "Hell no, I don't want that coming back." Done with our transaction, she said "Have a nice day!" I told her, "I already did!", or maybe something not quite that clever.
Sorry to be gross. Butt, for you young (50 or over) guys out there whom are hesitating to get your lower tract checked; get it done. It is one of the most-easily cured cancers, if caught early. If not caught early, someone you wouldn't like will be doing things to your widow that you would find unacceptable, if you were still alive, and spending all of YOUR 401k funds, and worst of all, riding your FJR. You have been advised.
I won't go into the details of the procedure itself (you're welcome), butt (intended) thankfully, everything went as well as that sort of thing can go. No spills, missed targets, blood, soiled laundry, or confused, scared cat running through the house wondering why her owner apparently got human fecal matter on her otherwise pristine fur. Everything got packed up tight and sealed in the provided ColoGuard box. Butt, one thing caught my attention several years ago, when ColoGuard started advertising on TV. Their logo. Subtle, stylized, yet easily recognized, once you understand what's going to go IN the box. Once you see it, you won't be able to NOT see it.
So, before I took the still-warm box to the UPS store to shit (oops, SHIP) it to the lab for testing, I thought I would add the obvious missing geometry to the logo on the box, just to clarify the contents for anyone unfamiliar with the company and its practices.
When the nice young lady at the shipping store saw the old f*ck bringing the box in, she barely gave it a glance. I bet she sees a dozen a day. Butt, then she saw my added artwork, and cracked (see what I did there?) a little smirk. She proceeded along very professionally, then asked if I wanted a receipt. I said "Hell no, I don't want that coming back." Done with our transaction, she said "Have a nice day!" I told her, "I already did!", or maybe something not quite that clever.
Sorry to be gross. Butt, for you young (50 or over) guys out there whom are hesitating to get your lower tract checked; get it done. It is one of the most-easily cured cancers, if caught early. If not caught early, someone you wouldn't like will be doing things to your widow that you would find unacceptable, if you were still alive, and spending all of YOUR 401k funds, and worst of all, riding your FJR. You have been advised.
