Parenting Isn't For Cowards

[stealth1]

Best wishes for the strength needed to get through this situation.

My wife and I raised 2 daughters who are now in their late 20's.

The stress during their teenage years was rough.

Many sleepless nights. Both eventually turned out to be wonderful human beings.

Unfortunately, each one of them had a best friend who committed suicide during their teenage years.

One at 15 with a handgun and one at 18 by intentional drug overdose.

Anyone with an unstable teenager in the home needs to be extreme in controlling access to firearms and drugs in their home. That is the one mistake where you don't get a do over.

Hang in there and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Checkswrecks]

Mike -

No easy answers and I thank God for getting us past this point.

I've related before that each of the kids needed their "own" activity/identity for us to support or do together. I know this will sound a bit odd and you'll want to ask her counselor first, but have you considered finding somebody willing to work in their horse barn in return for riding? (Even if you're quietly paying for lessons.) It'll take a bit of cold-call asking to find one, but barn-owners need help with feeding/water/mucking and if you're not involved, the place becomes "hers." We've seen some lost girls get a lot of strength in becoming the object of attention from a 1500 pound animal that has big dark eyes, will nuzzle for treats, and listen to HER commands while riding. (Ask if the barn already has another girl like the one who Emily already got in trouble with, to avoid.)

I don't have any answers, just this experience and offering that you're in our prayers.

Bob

 

[Geezer]

there was a big misunderstanding yesterday when the home room teacher, a counselor, and her special ed advisor were all on a different page and a teacher reported her as skipping her class. The disiplinarian could not resolve it all and wrote her up for a suspension, effectively squashing her chances for the special ed program. The home room teacher would only say that she didn't remember Emily in her class, and if there, had no idea when she came or went.

I don't know the laws in your state, but I can't believe that the school can legally refuse special ed. services, no matter what discipline has been meted out. I would be very angry with the school district and demand a hearing with the superintendent. Demand that your daughter receive any and all services that she needs.

Also, you will be more effective dealing with the district if you take a special ed. advocate to that meeting, in person, with you.

 

[Jimstan]

Hi Mike

I have been reading this thread with tears for your daughter and your family, also for the memory's of a 16 year old young lady I came to know and love as my daughter, she too is bipolar with Major Depression and all the heart brake that go with

it.

I also have a special needs daughter 32 years old but will always be a 7 year old kid for the rest of her life And a son who I thought would never make his 18th birthday (hes 29 now)

Me---I am Bipolar with Major Depression. (OCD)Obsessive compulsive behavior thrown in just to keep things interesting for my wife of 26 years .

You put Your story and Hart on this forum And that has given me the courage to put part of mine hear also.

Do I know what you or your daughter is going thought-----No probability not every ones experience is different----but I may have some incite that may be helpful to you.

You did mention the medication Abilify I didn't like it ether and had to change.

We can talk on the forum, If you like or PM me.

Jim

 

[roger123]

Have two girls myself (20 and 16). The young one's been "challanging" to say the least. I guess we all have stories to tell, we just kept telling ourselves that at some point it will get better. We all need to pray for each other I guess!!

 

[Patriot]

Hi MikeI have been reading this thread with tears for your daughter and your family, also for the memory's of a 16 year old young lady I came to know and love as my daughter, she too is bipolar with Major Depression and all the heart brake that go with

it.

I also have a special needs daughter 32 years old but will always be a 7 year old kid for the rest of her life And a son who I thought would never make his 18th birthday (hes 29 now)

Me---I am Bipolar with Major Depression. (OCD)Obsessive compulsive behavior thrown in just to keep things interesting for my wife of 26 years .

You put Your story and Hart on this forum And that has given me the courage to put part of mine hear also.

Do I know what you or your daughter is going thought-----No probability not every ones experience is different----but I may have some incite that may be helpful to you.

You did mention the medication Abilify I didn't like it ether and had to change.

We can talk on the forum, If you like or PM me.

Jim

hay Jimbo...glad you are reaching out

our talk can be where-ever you are comfortable

I trust everyone here on the forum (in my experience)...but my email is mholiver at cox dot net

I like email lots better than PM...my PM seems to fill up at the most inopportune times

OCD...yep, some of that as well...I used to think I just didn't like change...was a robot wanting to do everything the same we to be "organized"...but then one day I screamed at everyone in the house for moving my shampoo from one shelf to another in the shower and wow, then I got it...

Peace,

Mike

Have two girls myself (20 and 16). The young one's been "challanging" to say the least. I guess we all have stories to tell, we just kept telling ourselves that at some point it will get better. We all need to pray for each other I guess!!

Amen rog...Amen

 

[eworth]

Your daughter has a father who loves her. That's half the battle. You are in our prayers. I have a daughter who will be 16 very shortly and one that is 9. They are my world so I have a clue how you feel.

Continue to give her your support, love and prayers. We are at your side.

 

[Patriot]

I've hesitated...but here goes...

I hope

1) her bipolar will stabilize and her meds with help her at the proper dose with little or no side effects

2) her tendency toward mood swings, especially the depression, lack of self esteem, and responding badly to circumstances in her life would improve

3) she would take seriously the resource special ed program and do all she can to succeed using it's tools

I am thankful for the staff at East Jefferson High and their willingness to serve, lead, and assist Emily in her quest to succeed. Emily has had very bad days and goes to the head counselor to talk about what she's feeling and her reactions to circumstances in her life.

Thank you for your prayers, kind thoughts, support for this situation. I'm reminded daily that "Parenting Isn't For Cowards"

Affectionately,

Mike

well, downhill on #1-2

and the friggin' school folk have unknowingly driven her to veg in her room afraid to go out the house

there was a big misunderstanding yesterday when the home room teacher, a counselor, and her special ed advisor were all on a different page and a teacher reported her as skipping her class. The disiplinarian could not resolve it all and wrote her up for a suspension, effectively squashing her chances for the special ed program. The home room teacher would only say that she didn't remember Emily in her class, and if there, had no idea when she came or went.

she's quite fragile and has some evidense God and life is against her

I don't blame her for her feelings, but her Mom, Sister, and I have surrounded her with our unconditional love to shore her up to get through.

A bump in the road, but sometimes one just shakes their head at life's troubles

let's keep plugging away and not murder anyone today,

Mike in Nawlins'

well, much better news on the above latest bump, good news all together, and onward and upward as they say

nice man diciplinarian called Emily in yesterday and said basically he believes her and the teacher in question told him "I don't want to get involved...I call them as I see them at the time and I have no time for second guessing". Asshat.

So Emily has to "pretend" to do her punishment which is no more than a show...the minimum allowed by law...wipe tables in the lunch room for 10 minutes for 2 days. Geez.

She is very happy, feels vindacated, and the weight of the world is off her shoulders

Onward and upward

BTW, she is very happy with her 100mg of lamictal and 25mg of Abilify cocktail...said if it got her through this week unscathed, then it must work pretty good!

also, she's excitely preparing for her Junior Prom...her beau is well liked by AIW and me, and even Emily's lil sister Mary Beth likes him which is a semi miracle.

Now, I await with trepidation the bills for a dress, shoes, hairdoo, makeup, and probably gold and diamond jewelery, fur coat, and gold limo <sigh>

 

[Stephen]

My wifey, Darlene, is an OT with our local school district. She's been around special needs kids for a very long time. If you have any specific questions about something, don't hesitate to give her a shout ... no matter what it is.

darlene at turtletraxx dot com

 

[Solo]

Mike,

Your latest post is great news. I hope Emily has a great time at the prom and that her cocktail keeps working so she can work on understanding what life has dealt her. One of the cards in her hand is a loving mom and pop.

Tom

 

[Patriot]

I need to mention an update on Emily's school situation is greatly looking up. She has been approved for "Special Ed" and I am learning that there are great advantages in that.

The school's Asst Principal of education can tailor fit a curriculum for Emily, time it as she sees fit, and any quarter of a course she passes with a D or better, she doesn't have to repeat that quarter. Instead of courses be Pass/Fail worth 1 credit or zero, Emily can pass a quarter and earn 1/4 credit each and then if needed, repeat just that quarter. And the exit exam for graduation can be tailored for a score she can achieve, longer time to take it, and maybe use a calculator that normally is not allowed. She can also take it privately when we think she's having a bipolar "good" day kinda at her convenience.

All this is monitored by the Asst Principal and her counselor. Both are obviously encouraging and pulling for Emily to succeed at her best, whatever that is, and are confident she will achieve her high school diploma. We don't know how long that may take, but she has a decent shot of graduating with her class next year in May, or maybe be finished Dec 2011. She seems quite motivated now that she feels she has lotsa support, especially from the school, and what's explained to her and what she needs to do with accomodations to her bipolar, she believes she can succeed and wants desparately to earn her diploma.

I am so thankful it has come to this road which I wholeheartly believe it's a God send. The education gods have shown on her with this situation. Now to execute the plan.

We basically have 2 advocates that are employees of the school, and know the ins and outs of the game of education, and Special Ed allows them to knit a program that can work.

gotta love it...this situation is only available in Louisiana Public Schools...go figure

 

[FJRBluesman]

Thanks for the update. Glad everything is moving in the right direction.

 

[Patriot]

Would appreciate prayers and good juju for Emily as she begins a new school year under the new above described program...

A good piece of PC is to call her program "Modified Ed" and not "Special Ed"

Today was her first day and she got her schedule repeating classes she did not succeed in last year

However she was thrilled to be placed in the Senior year homeroom with her friends

A little concern is the excellent and wise Vice Principal who directed the entire program has been "promoted" out of her responsibilities and a Coach and past diciplinarian has been moved into that slot. At least they both will work the program this year and then he's on his own if it goes as planned.

"and away we go"... :yahoo:

 

[Auburn]

Thank you for the update. Best wishes for Emily to have a successful school year!

 

[Tyler]

Thank you for the update. Best wishes for Emily to have a successful school year!

+1 Tell her we believe in her too! B)

 

[sonicspeed]

Mike i don't know how i missed this thread but my daughter was 16 when she was diagnosed bipolar. she is 20 now and i know how hard this has been on you. if you ever need to chat or something just holler out.

 

[k7lvo]

16 and in the 11th grade... That's unusual, especially in this day and age. I was 17 when I graduated from high school in 1970 and most of the graduates were 18 even back then. Sounds like she's got a lot going for her, even with her challenges! I'm rootin' for her... and you!

 

[BikerGeek99]

Best wishes to Emily for success!!

 

[cruppelt]

Let me add my best wishes and prayers as well. Sounds like a good program that she will be able to get through with flying colors.

 

[FJRBluesman]

Mike - Prayers for Emily and the family.

I have two teenagers now. :dribble: