A few observations about life

[bigjohnsd]

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."

Lynn Lavner

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"

Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.

Steve Martin

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.

Elmo Phillips

 

[its just rain]

The best I've read in quite some time!

 

[JamesW]

Brightens the day.

 

[HuskyRider]

Life Is Great!!!!

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row

.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup,it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don’t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I’m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager,only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne.