The Irish declare war on the French

[FastJoyRide]

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Teacozy !' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

'Well Paddy, my name is Sarkozy he replied. How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus,and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200, 000!'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

 

[wheatonFJR]

Nothing like a few pints to get some reasoned thinking.

 

[Erin]

And who says we Irish aren't practical! :lol:

 

[mferriter]

Condensed version:

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Teacozy !' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

Sarkozy: "We surrender. Let me know if we can be of any assistance with the occupation."

 

[FastJoyRide]

And another:

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just

been run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised

and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that

to you, he must have had something in his hand."

" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and

a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended

yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

" That I did," said Paddy.

"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty

it was, but useless in a fight."