If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

[evilmedic13]

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

************************************************** ***

Deer Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy

all yeer.

Yer Friend,

Billy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How

about

I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your

older

brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

************************************************** ***

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for

is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like

for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can

do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a

hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your

frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that

dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a

dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll

set you

up with a Barbie.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left

carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face

when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle

of

Scotch.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy

making

toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I

spend

most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking

myself

silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing

money at

the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're

awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm

skipping your house.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,

PLEASE could I have one?

Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that

crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our

home?

Love, Marky

Dear Mark,

First stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting

your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you

live in a

low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the

boogeyman

does, through your bedroom window.

 

[rangerk9]

ROFLMAO!!! Freakin' Hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle.

Rex

RLTW!!

 

[evilmedic13]

Anything for a K9 unit. :clapping:

 

[rangerk9]

Anything for a K9 unit. :clapping:

Dude,

I was spewing beer on that one! Showed it to my wife...she was cracking up.

Rog on the K9....appreciations. I used to be a K9 back in the late 90's when I left Active Duty...best job I ever had outside the military.

Sure appreciate you medics...I have relied on you guys many times in the LE world and in combat. <SALUTE>!

Rex

RLTW!!

 

[evilmedic13]

Anything for a K9 unit. :clapping:

Dude,

I was spewing beer on that one! Showed it to my wife...she was cracking up.

Rog on the K9....appreciations. I used to be a K9 back in the late 90's when I left Active Duty...best job I ever had outside the military.

Sure appreciate you medics...I have relied on you guys many times in the LE world and in combat. <SALUTE>!

Rex

RLTW!!

Never a problem. The worst call I can get is either a LEO down or someone I know hurt. Unfortunately, I've a cop down a few times , 2 of 'em I knew. They came out of it okay, but I hate getting those. The wife is a LEO too, you guys got waaaay rougher than me, no doubt about it.

Be safe,

Ed

 

[taterides]

Good Stuff!!