"I want you to enjoy your bike."

[gregory]

Eloquent as always Pants, one of the reasons I look forward to meeting you.

One of the non motorcycle life lessons I have learned from this forum, and it's members (in no particular order Big Sky, BeemerDon, Tyler, Bugnator, RFH, MCA, Pants, Junior, FJRay, hell, just about everyone has contributed to the lesson) is to have fun, take care of one another, but most of all, cherish those we love and hold dear to our hearts everyday. And more importantly, let them know that. Many of you I will simply never meet, but that does not mean we are not well met.

I tell my bride of 3 weeks everyday what she means to me, how she has changed the course of my life and how much I love her every chance I get. If I am lucky, I will get 30-40 years to do so. When the time comes, I hope to have something close to what MCA has to look back on. A shared life well lived.

MCA- I wish there were something other then words to offer.....

Gregory

 

[mcatrophy]

Just an update, not good news, but I suppose not as bad as it could be.

My previous post was last Thursday week. The next morning she got another high temperature. They put her on yet another antibiotic, probably the last one they can try (she's allergic to penicillin, this restricts them considerably). This does seem to have stabilised her. It does require constant monitoring, she won't be able to stay at home.

Monday, another talk with her doctor. Any thought of chemotherapy is out of the question, she's too weak. In any case she doesn't want it, would rather not go through the biopsy they would need to do and the debilitating side effects of the therapy, simply to gain a few weeks. Her, and our, decision was to concentrate on keeping her comfortable rather than to extend her life.

Tuesday she was moved from the liver ward to a Macmillan ward, where they are expert at keeping seriously ill patients comfortable. She has settled in there, they appear to be keeping her reasonably pain free.

Friday, just after 12:00, we were able to take her in a wheelchair to the car, and drive her home, where our daughter cooked us a meal (she takes after her mother, and is an excellent home cook). Then a brief visit to our daughter's home where she could see the grandchildren, and finally back to the hospital, all within the four-hour time slot between her doses of medication. Was very tired afterwards.

Saturday, a repeat, but with me doing the cooking (not so skilled) for her and our son. She also walked round the garden, in tears at what she'd built it to, and would be unable to enjoy. Again, returned to the hospital within the four hours.

Today, Sunday, is our son-in-law's birthday. Daughter had planned a buffet, many family members would be there, and we were hoping wifey could be with us, but she phoned me this morning, much too tired and weak. So we celebrated (?) without her.

Son and her brother are seeing her this afternoon, Daughter will be taking in some of the buffet for her tea a bit later, I'll be going in this evening. Unless she's had enough visitors by then.

The only good part of this is that they seem to have the pain under control using some cocktail of drugs, which are driven continuously from a syringe, with occasional top-ups of oral morphine and paracetamol, the latter avoided as far as possible in case it is needed to pull her temperature down.

She's getting weaker and more tired as the days go by. Whether this is the cancer itself or it's the pain medication, antibiotics and/or other drugs, I don't know, but it's dreadful seeing it getting worse. I'm not going to do it, I couldn't, but I fully understand why people can help a loved one into oblivion. We don't know how long she has to live. I suspect that, once she finally gives up, it will be very quick.

There was a year in my working life where I was given a job that I absolutely hated, and was basically incapable of doing properly. I've always said that this was the worse time of my life. That is now totally eclipsed by the events of the past few weeks.

 

[Fallingsand]

This makes my heart ache. I know all too well what you're going through.

I'd only suggest to gather what help and solace you can from family and friends (and for me, a ride of any sort), hold tight to and enjoy good memories.

It has helped me move forward when those I cherish could not accompany me.

Edited a typo

 

[exskibum]

So sorry, Mac. Much strength to you, and hopes that your love will sustain you through this roughest time.

 

[puppychow]

I really don't know what to say, other than you are in our thoughts and well wishes.

 

[James]

As everyone says, I'm sorry for what you two have to go through. Having time to talk about "everything" is both a blessing and a curse- sometimes you have too much time to think. But you remember the good times, realize most of the bad was just temporary and be there best you can. Try to keep yourself mentally and physically strong enough to handle the stuff that will come up, I know it's hard to take care of yourself, but to be there for her you need to. Things won't go well, but I hope they go as well as they can.

 

[wnyfjr]

Our pastor preached a sermon today on words, so I should be well-armed to add my thoughts here. However, at this moment any words I can come up with seem hollow and weak. I will instead add my prayers for strength for both of you.

 

[TripperMike]

What a difficult time Mcatrophy. It's so good to read though that your kids live nearby and they too can spend time with her and you.

 

[Redfish Hunter]

I hope that as painful as it is for you to type these updates, it helps you to share that pain with us. If that is true then I am grateful for the opportunity to share a small part of the burden of your pain. We are all here for you and we all hope that gives you some strength.

 

[bigjohnsd]

Mac, I've been away and off the forum since March 1st, just saw this thread tonight. There is not much I can say other than my thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife in your time of need. Hang in there Sir.

John

 

[Surly]

Hi Mcatrophy,

I am at a loss at what to say other than I am deeply deeply saddened.

Steve

 

[Uncle Hud]

DISLIKE.

 

[CraigRegs]

Mac, my heart aches for you, but I hope you have been bouyed and rejuvenated by these "field trips" you and your family have been able to provide. It is so difficult to watch a loved one slip away. Little moments like these now mean the world. Take heart and know that you and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of many friends you have yet to meet.

 

[rogdeb]

Still ... in our thoughts Mac .

 

[hppants]

MCA - thank you for sharing once again what must be very hard. I truly hope she is comfortable. Like the others, words fail me. I've typed and "backspaced" this reply 10 times now.

This is some heavy shit, man. I'm just so sorry...

 

[mcatrophy]

Today you could almost think there was nothing wrong with her. She phoned me early this morning from the hospital.

"Can you fetch me at 12, cook me lunch? I'd like some lamb." - lamb is traditional here at Easter.

"Ok, no problem" I lied (cooking has always been her province).

Her brother is visiting us, son was here. We expected our nephew (her sister's son) and his partner after lunch, they wanted to visit her. So, I informed nephew she'd be at home, not in the hospital. I fetched her home, made lunch - roasted some lamb, cooked several vegetables. That went down well, she was getting tired of the somewhat institutional menu in the hospital. When our nephew arrived, we sat around, drinking tea, talked about all sorts - the garden, their house that they are remodelling, the weather, just pleasant, family conversation.

When the time came to take wifey back to the hospital, just a few tears in all the goodbyes.

I did write "... you could almost think nothing was wrong ...". The "almost" was because she couldn't walk more than a few steps, and a couple of times had to take some morphine that she had been given to help with pain that was not fully controlled by her syringe cocktail.

Anyway, one of her best days since she's been in hospital. I'm hoping she can have others as good, though fearing she won't.

Once again, thank you all for your comments. Sometimes I feel very alone, and it does seem to help.

 

[Niehart]

A little glimmer of light in a very dark place. That post made my day. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Redfish Hunter]

Once again, thank you all for your comments. Sometimes I feel very alone, and it does seem to help.

Alone? Sir, halfway around the globe there is a grown man crying real tears for you as he types this. You are never alone, you have friends you don't even know.

 

[dcarver]

Once again, thank you all for your comments. Sometimes I feel very alone, and it does seem to help.

Alone? Sir, halfway around the globe there is a grown man crying real tears for you as he types this. You are never alone, you have friends you don't even know.

and from central California too.

Mac, cherish these small moments.

 

[Fred W]

I, too, am hoping for some good days for you both. Glad you had a nice holiday together.