PMS Medicine - Together

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hppants

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Location
Lafayette, LA
If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 53 years of existence, it’s that PMS is a real thing.

Now get your minds out of the gutter. I’m not talking about that PMS. I’m referring to Parked Motorcycle Syndrome. Riders can ride in the rain. They can ride in the cold. But when the rain meets enough cold, and water turns frozen, all riders have to park it. And if you get your mail at a latitude far enough from the equator, at some point in the year, you’re gonna get PMS. As it turns out for me and my southern friends, we don’t have to worry about PMS. I can and routinely ride my motorcycle all year round. In fact, some of the best riding down here is in the middle of the winter, where our temperatures are moderate and the roads are clean and unoccupied.

But even though I don’t get it, having more than my share of yankee riding buddies, when it comes to PMS, I “get it”. Riders may discuss and write about riding all of the time, but no matter where you come from, the keyboard and the whiskey and the telephone can only take you so far. At some point, usually in the dead of the winter, those with PMS start getting antsy and itchy. They get frustrated and they get restless. They get envious of their southern brethren and sis-thren (I made that word up). After all, there is only one way to feel the wind. The only true cure for sea sickness is dry land, and the only known cure for PMS is to throw a leg over and dump the clutch.

One way to deal with it is to come down south where I am. Give me and my friends a chance to offer you some southern hospitality. Let us show you our cuisine, our history, our culture, and our people. Give us an opportunity to share our roads with you. We’ll take you on the backwater swampy byways, where the people have lived a sheltered life. They have been protected by the levees, both physically and philosophically. Down here, things are laid back, and we’d love to show you our southern way of life.

My good South Dakotan friend John, suffering from classic PMS this year, decided to do just that. He loaded his bike on the trailer, and trucked it away from the snow and ice south. After a side adventure with another friend in New Mexico and Texas, John made his way east to my home, where he stayed with me for a the weekend.

Another good friend Turk from northeast Alabama, while not suffering entirely from PMS, got wind of our shindig and decided to join us. I was honored to have them both. I gathered several of my local riding buddies for the occasion and we a nice time sharing miles, food, drink, and most importantly, laughs together.

I hope you enjoy the pics.

Day 1: Thursday, zero miles

John arrived to the house about 6 pm a bit saddle sore, but no worse for the wear. Soon after our salutations and greetings, I declared “Let the eating begin!”, and my wife and I took John to one of our favorite local restaurants.

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There is going to be a lot of food porn in this ride report….

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Wifey likes shrimp – tasty little critters if I don’t say so myself.

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Bread pudding is a Cajun staple for dessert, and this variety wasn’t too shabby.

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Culinarily speaking, a visit to see Pants is most assuredly NOT for the faint at heart!

Back at the house, I poured us each a sippie and John got to install his Cardo Comm system he had shipped to my house ahead of time. A good start to a great weekend.

Day 2: Loop ride from Lafayette, approx. 250 miles.

I slept well and while the coffee was brewing, I took an opportunity to check out John’s Bavarian extravaganza. This is a tall motorcycle built like a Sherman Tank.

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I rustled up some vittles for our breakfast.

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And before long, we were on our way!

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I chose a simple loop ride that would take us through the back country and along some bayous. It’s a little warm this morning, but the overcast skies are helping and we’ve got the road all to ourselves.

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I’ve always like the look of this barn. It’s weathered, but to me it looks fully functional and in great shape.

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I’d give the ride TWO thumbs up, but that would leave me without a hand to take the picture.

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It was nice. The roads weren’t terribly twisty, but we enjoyed the curves and even in the middle of winter, there is always some green to see.

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Outside of Simmsport, I led John to this old bridge that was converted into a historic sight. I like bridges, and since I was leading, that’s where we ended up.

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I think the metal work on these structures is so cool.

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Pretty quiet on Bayou des Glaises today.

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The old general store was converted into kind of a museum. We passed on that.

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We rolled into Simmsport at lunch time. I’ve never eaten here before, but the owner seemed sincere so we gave it a shot.

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The décor is nice, the owner told us his wife is the artist.

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The shrimp poboys were pretty good. There are different variances of every Cajun dish depending on where you live. The bread for this poboy was the crunchy “pistolette” style of bread, more prevalent in the southeastern part of my State.

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After lunch, I led John to the Three Rivers WMA, which a place where the Red, Atchafalaya, and Mississippi Rivers all get very close to one another. We’ve had serious rains already this year, and the back water flooding is already occurring here.

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We stopped at one of the control structures. I am very familiar with how this place works. What most people don’t realize is that roughly 2/3 of the country’s drainage runs right though this location. Virtually everything between the Continental Divide and the Appalachian Range drains to the Mississippi and ends up here in route to the Gulf of Mexico. The Corps of Engineers has developed an intricate system of drainage and floodplains that will prevent catastrophic flooding from occurring in the southern portion of Louisiana – they hope!!

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We hoped back on the road and pointed the bikes south. Looking very well, my friend. Those Bavarian Sirens have lured you in proper!!

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In the town of Melville, I stopped here looking for an ice cream. Pants gets his sweet tooth about mid-afternoon, and I was hoping to find my fix at this little store. Turns out the proprietor was re-building the place and didn’t have much of anything to sell, least of which not ice cream. But he came out to the parking lot and spent 10 minutes with us anyway. He and John exchanged pleasantries like old friends.

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It was neat to watch these two converse. The local Cajun was genuinely interested in what John was doing, and dare I say just a tad envious as well. They were both about the same age, and one of them was working, while the other was playing.

So there will be no ice cream today. Somehow, we pressed onward toward Mason Du Pants. I cooked a gumbo earlier that week and my retired father was nice enough to get there early. I asked him to take care of 3 simple tasks:

1. Ice down the beer.
2. Heat up the Gumbo
3. Pay the dancing girls.

Oh well, 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad….

Soon after we arrived, Turk showed up from his journey southwest, and my local buddies also arrived for the evening’s festivities.

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Nate made the hour-plus drive and brought me a jar of homemade Mahaw jelly. Mmmmm mmmmmm good.

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Before long, we are all in happy hour mode!!

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Mike makes an AWESOME margarita, as Turk would agree!

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The Redfishes made the 90 minute trip west to join us. This right here is a lot of goodness in one picture!!

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John, you better pace yourself, man. I can’t have you A-fibbing out or anything!!

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Now then, I suppose I got a smidge loose, and if so, that could be my excuse. Regardless, I didn’t take a picture of the gumbo! In my defense, when we decided to eat, these turkeys hit it so fast I didn’t have much chance. I mean – when 10 men can go through 5 cups of rice in about 15 minutes, apparently, the food is decent!!

After dinner, in Cajun Mardi Gras tradition, we shared a King Cake for dessert and passed the fire water around to wash it down. Outside in the garage, there is quite a stir going on.

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Turns out the side stand on Turk’s bike broke! This is a problem – he can’t get off the bike without a side stand. When I got there, Turk, Mike, Alex, and Tom were running trigonometry calculations on my garage slab, coming up with exotic design solutions to this problem. Nate and I join the conversation and now we have 6 drunk bikers trying to fix a side stand at 10 pm on a Friday night! What could go wrong?

I walked into my workshop and while standing there with my head spinning, I literally looked down and found a trash piece of aluminum angle iron. I grabbed the broken piece and a drill bit and used my drill press to mimic the mounting holes. Quite frankly, I was happy not to drill a hole in my hand.

Nate found a couple of longer bolts in my fastener bins and with some red locktight, we had Turk all fixed up in a jiffy.

After that excitement, we called it a night.

Day 3: Saturday, Loop Ride from my house, 290 miles.

Poor Turk – he had to run diagonally across my air mattress to fit!

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Regardless, everyone slept well and once the solders rose, I made the coffee. I think we were all still full from last night, so I threw some fruit on the table and we skipped breakfast.

Today, we will be 7 riders. John, Turk, and I will meet Mike and Tom at the local gas station.

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Then we run 30 miles up the slab and pick up Andrew under the bridge, which is a good place for him.

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Finally, we run 10 miles north to Marroquin to pick up Jay and we are all together!

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Pretty snazzy looking group of bikers, if I don’t say so myself!!

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We stopped at a plantation home on the west bank of the Mississippi River to look around.

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Andrew glances at the back of Turk’s bike and declares “That doesn’t look right”.

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This is concerning. We are pretty far from anything resembling new motorcycle tires, especially the odd sized V-strom tire. Andrew, Mike, and I started calling places looking for a tire. I found one in Baton Rouge at the Suzuki dealer, and they were open for the day. Andrew’s house is on the other side of the river, so we all rode gently the 30 miles over there.

I find that particular gesture intriguing. There was no need for ALL of us to go to Andrew’s house. Andrew and Turk could have just broken off on their own, and the rest of us continued on our merry way. But instead, we all just decided intuitively to stay together. I didn’t want to leave Turk, but knew that he was in great hands with Andrew. John could have thought of better ways to spend his hard earned vacation time than changing a worn tire. And my other local buddies, who just met Turk the night before, came to the same conclusion. To all of us, the adventure and the pleasure was not limited to the riding or the motorcycle. It was also in the togetherness. The fellowship. The comradery. This is an important part of motorcycling that non-riders will NEVER understand.

We get to Andrew’s house and attacked Turk’s bike like some kind of NASCAR pit crew.

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In 5 minutes, Andrew and Turk were on their way to the dealer. Andrew’s wife Amy ordered the poboys for lunch, and I went with her to pick them up. The rest of the hooligans entertained themselves by taking test rides on Andrew’s DR650 and rutting up his yard. Well done, gents.

We had a great picnic lunch!

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Turk’s rear brake pads were thin, so we might as well change those too.

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The Pants’ Specialties V-Strom aftermarket side stand (serial number 001) is still holding up nicely – just sayin…

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Just about got her all buttoned up!

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We bid Andrew and his family a hearty thanks and pushed on. The water on the other side of this levee is about 4 feet from the top!!

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We ended up having a nice day. The weatherman had predicted a rainy weekend, but we haven’t gotten a drop yet!

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Back at the house, my kids showed up for happy hour and to go to dinner with us.

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Turk likes oysters, so we drove 15 miles to Abbeville for one of my favorite restaurants.

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Cheers!

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Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.

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The bread pudding at this place is probably the best I’ve ever had.

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We had a great day.

Day 4: Sunday, zero bike miles. Car trip instead.

The weather forecast looked pretty crappy, and John was ready for a day off the bike, so we decided to take the car instead. First stop, Cajun breakfast!

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We decided to visit Avery Island, where the world famous Tabasco Pepper Sauce is made.

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The self-guided tour provides some learning opportunities.

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Each one of these vats contains 1800 gallons of pepper mash!!

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We also took the garden drive tour, which is a nice place to visit. The guys got up and close to a local lizard.

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This artist was nice enough to let us watch her work.

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Everything is blooming here.

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The egrets have all paired up at the rookery.

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We got back to the house early afternoon. Turk decided to load up and start heading toward home. We shook his hand and bid so long, but not good bye!!

Meanwhile, John had some other farkle for his Beemer shipped to my house, and so the bike got rolled into my shop and we got to work.

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When soldering, it sometimes helps to have a couple extra hands.

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I think he had to contact the satellites in outer space for something or another…

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Uncharacteristically, that was the last picture I took for this trip.

My friend Mike and his lovely wife Pam invited us along with Tom and Alex and their spouses over for a BBQ. The chicken and sausage were delicious, you’ll just have to take my word for it. On Monday, John loaded up and shoved off toward the East for new adventure. I enjoyed having my friends over for the weekend.

As John left my neighborhood, I could tell that his PMS had weaned. I was happy that he chose Louisiana for the medicine. It was nice for us all to share some miles and smiles… together.

Stay Thirsty, My Friends…..

 
Awesome report as usual, Pants. And yes, I'm jealous. Here in Minnesota, it's been FIVE MONTHS since we've seen 50 degrees F, and it hasn't happened yet. Mid-October was my last ride. Not so much because of temperature, but more because of ice, and then snow up to my prostate. Thanks for giving me some hope.

(And those few days of flooding you folks are seeing lately is because of the stuff we've had around here for months. I may even find Jimmy Hoffa's corpse laying in my back yard when this all melts.)

 
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Nice RR!
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PMS really does exist (up north).

 
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Thanks again Joey, it was a great couple of weeks and though I made a report, it still sucks when compared to your masterpiece. JSNS

Turk and i both agreed that this was far and away the "BEST BREAD PUDDING EVER CREATED"

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As to the Farkling Pix - The BMW has a CANBUS electrical system, which complicates the installation of electrical accessories. By using a neat device developed in South Africa called the HEX EZCan you can add four electrical accessories and use existing BMW controls on the bike to control the accessories. That damn Pterodactyl insisted that this was the only way to go so I bought and installed one before adding LED Rider LR-5 Driving Lights, a BFH (Big Fucking Horn), a connection to power my Adaptive 2.0 Radar Detector and an Auxillary Stop Light.

While in Big Bend the EZCan quit working. After performing several inspections and tests at the behest of HEX's Trouble Desk they had Twisted Throttle send me a new one at Joey's house. Tammy, (Mrs. Pants) used her Southern Charms to fetch the package out of a closed FedEx Distribution warehouse on a Saturday morning. The new and improved version I received had different connectors on it necessitating some wiring changes rather than just plug and play replacement. The Laptop is connected to the EZCan to tell it how the user wants the circuits to be configured and controlled. The EZCan worked flawlessly on the way home. The LED Rider LR5 lights are unbelievable when at full power out in the desert, you can see for miles!

 
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