An explanation on the PROPER inner workings of electrical circuits

[patch308]

A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke - by Joseph Lucas

All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper

circuit functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by

retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke".

Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. Don't be

fooled by scientists and engineers talking about excited electrons

and the like. Smoke is the key to all things electrical

We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of

an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified

repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one places a

large copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious

quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to

function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an

electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also

be observed that the component no longer functions.

The logic is elementary and inescapable! The function of the wiring

harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the

wiring harness springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the

system, nothing works right afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for

some time largely because they regularly released large quantities of

smoke from the electrical system.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly

more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or

American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas

is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil,

British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems leak

fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national

defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak

smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

Sometimes you may miss the component releasing the smoke that makes

your electrical system function correctly, but if you sniff around

you can often find the faulty component by the undeniable and

telltale smoke smell. Sometimes this is a better indicator than

standard electrical tests performed with a volt-ohm meter.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy

in the form of smoke provides a clear and logical explanation of the

mysteries of electrical components and why they fail.

 

[HotRodZilla]

Bust leaks...And he's not British.

 

[El Toro]

Reminds me of the argument for why house flies hear with their wings. First take a normal housefly with its wings in tact. Make a loud noise near the fly, and it will fly off.

Next, pull the wings off the fly and make the same loud noise nearby. Now the housefly won't fly off. Clearly the empirical evidence shows that the fly hears with its wings.