Any good divorce lawyer out there

[Bob McCarthy]

I support the not jumping back into a relationship.

At my divorce a close friend (A doc who had also gone through a divorce years before) took me aside and demanded that I do nothing on the relationship front for 3 years. It takes that long to get mentally healthy again. Get laid, do whatever it takes (rosy palm if need be) but don't even consider a serious relationship until you're head is screwed on straight.

You should not even be thinking about dating etc. and you need some healing.

bob

 

[Fubar]

Thanks for the advise.Now how long before I start dateing again? Its been so long and it bums me out that I have to do that again, man I hate those damn mind games.

If you date, keep it quiet. For some unknown reason even though it's there decision to part they always go crazy when another woman comes into your life. Don't ask me why. It's something they do. Even though they don't want you, they don't want anyone else to have you either. :blink:

 

[HaulinAshe]

Unfortunately I know WAY more about divorce than I do tires. So just to make me feel better, I'll give some advice in an attempt to attach value to the pain I encountered and delivered along the way.

* Property and material things will mean nothing to you right now. Your immediate concern will be your emotions, state of mind, your hopes for future happiness and all that metaphysical, harmony feel-good stuff. As time passes, the physical/monetary concerns will overshadow the emotional concerns. By the time you figure that out, she will own everything of yours worth having.

* Considering the above, realize that she is thinking and reacting in exact opposite phase of you. She is concerned about finances, shelter, assets and ass.

* She was at least three steps ahead of you before the mention of separation or divorce was ever uttered from anyone's lips. A woman doesn't seek divorce without a plan. You made the expendable list a long time ago. Wake up!!!

* Hire a lawyer who you can trust to protect your financial interests, so you can worry about your emotions and not be destitute once you have healed and awakened from your stupid, drunken state.

Meanwhile, buy a set of Dunlop RoadSmarts and go ride your ass off, before she chews it away.

 

[Scab]

Meanwhile, buy a set of Dunlop RoadSmarts and go ride your ass off, before she chews it away.

Or, seizes your bike.

 

[motorgod]

I need some clarification, "she has gone to the other side".....does that mean what I think it means? Heck!!! hang around and ask to be the meat in that sandwich....or a least a videographer!!!! and look at half of these "advice givers" didn't take their own advice and had to go through it twice....on top of that, you are taking advice of people you most likely have never met and the only thing you have in common is a motorcycle.......no wonder why she......

 

[Henchman]

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap

 

[krashdragon]

Ok, just ignore the smart ass remarks... but you already know that..<G>

but you're got some good advice from the guys here.

from a womans perspective....

1. get a lawyer, the suggestion for a woman lawyer is a good one. You should be entitled to one free consultation before you start paying. And keep to the subject. A good lawyer wont' mess around.

At this point, you're not only dealing with your soon to be ex, you're also dealing with her girlfriend. You will NOT get your head around how they are thinking. period. Don't even try. And trust me on this one, her gf IS talking to her.

2. decide what's important to you. stuff is just stuff

3. you're entitled to half, decide which half is important. If it's your peace of mind, then that is the important half.

4. don't say ANYTHING bad or negative about her. It can be used as evidence. You know how we ladies can twist things around..

Hmm... my ex did that.... but he was pretty much a wuss anyway.

It took me a good two years to get over being dumped by my ex. so don't rush things.

One good thing... I got another bike, started riding again after 2 kids and 20 years, and have had more fun since I've been divorced than in the previous 25 years. My 17 yr old son started riding as well, that was cool.

good luck.

Mary

 

[exskibum]

At this point, you're not only dealing with your soon to be ex, you're also dealing with her girlfriend. You will NOT get your head around how they are thinking. period. Don't even try. And trust me on this one, her gf IS talking to her.

THIS is absolutely true. It's always true that the opposition in a dispute is venting to, being counseled by, and having decisions influenced by others, whether it's family, friends, new BF, new GF or Oprah. It's the one hidden issue many fail to consider: just who is influencing or actually making the decisions on the other side? But as Mary points out -- you may have the mother of all such complications with your estranged wife having a new GF, and she's also right that you have NO CHANCE of figuring out what they're thinking, except that it probably isn't very good for you.

Not only do you not want to run her down, but you don't want to post much regarding the divorce or facts attending it, and certainly not what your lawyer tells you on the net. Lawyers have a habit of asking in depositions if you have talked about the case to anyone, and they're smart enough to broaden that inquiry into net postings and e-mails in this age. If the answer is yes, or they have reason to think it may be, then you'll get all manner of follow-up questions about who, when, where, what you said or wrote, etc. Hopefully, your case never gets that far, but you have to treat it as if it might.

 

[radman]

I cannot advise without breaking numerous laws and opening myself and this forum up to investigation by Homeland Security, so I'll have to leave with a "good luck".

 

[gregorytx]

Divorce sucks, and no matter how "amicable" she may be acting, there is NO SUCH THING AS A FRIENDLY DIVORCE. When I first started going thru mine last year, after 15 years together, I stepped back after the initial shock and assessed the situation. I looked at assets, retirements, yada, yada, yada........Then I looked at how much of a cunt she had become and realized how hard she was going to fight me over everything, no matter what it was. We agreed to sell the house and pay off all (her) debt. I kept my bike, she got the portion of my retirement she was entitled to under law, and I walked away. I let her have it all. It was only stuff, who gives a shit. Stuff can be replaced, but your mental health can't. If all you have to fight over is stuff, protect your mental health and let her have it. Everytime you look at "ya'lls" stuff, your just gonna think of her and all the bad memories just come right back. The quicker you get this behind you the better off you are. Unless there is some complicated financial issues or child custody issues, piss on the lawyers. My ex had the lawyer, I looked over the paperwork, had a few changes made, and it was done. It's not rocket science. The best advice I can give is to move on and go forward and do them both as quickly as you can. And if the stress starts getting to you, go see your doctor, they have many things that can help alleviate stress. It really sucks going thru it, but you'll come out ok. Good luck.

 

[BuilderBob]

I've been there twice. Damn, I'm starting to get good at something!

Actually, a good friend was in exactly the same situation as you a few years back. His wife fell for another woman. He rolled over and LET her take him for everything. Been regreting ever since.

Do get a good lawyer.

Don't get emotional.

Do move on as quickly as possible.

 

[FJRandy]

sml, I feel for ya right now. I am now officially going through the same thing. (not the switching teams thing though..just the divorce)

Even funnier, she's originally from the Pitt area, and is moving back there ASAP. Looks like I'll be following her out there just to be near my daughter.

Do you know any good jobs I should look for out there? j/k keep your head up. Look at the bright side. Pretty soon there will be another FJR rider out by you.

BTW, my (so-called) wife is being "amicable" too. Yeah right. If I see one thing that doesn't look right from the mediator we're going to use, I'm going back to getting a lawyer. I would have originally, but $5k hasn't fallen out of the sky yet for the lawyer's binder.

Keep your head on straight. You'll thank yourself for that after the smoke clears.

Randy

 

[beemerdons]

Randy: How far along are you in the divorce proceedings in regards to her moving your daughter out of state from NJ to PA?

Cannot speak for your state laws, but here Arizona's Child Custodial Support Services Division of the AZ State Attorney General's Office based in Phoenix takes a hard line stance on this. She is from Upstate New York and she made statements through her attorney to my attorney that she was going to move my son Seth with her to Saratoga Springs from Phoenix.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe "Toughest Sheriff in America" Arapaio straightened her out real quick on that issue BIG TIME!

 

[FJRandy]

I HAVE to let them go, considering I wanted to move out there myself. I can't do that to my daughter. I could have easily put a restrainer on my wife from taking her there, but that just makes things harder at this point being I'm currently unemployed.

I was the "caregiver" in the relationship for the last 5 years, and with no means of support I can't fight for custody. My wife is being reasonable about this, not having a problem with me moving close enough to see my daughter whenever I/she wants. I have to tip toe around this whole thing because NJ judges don't think too highly of divorcing males. Seems the wife usually get's most of it. So since my wife is agreeing to give me support until I get a full time job, give me her newer vehicle, and pay the mortgage/utilities in the house until it's sold (I'll be staying there until that time) I had to at least let her get my daughter situated out there. She's not going until approx 2 weeks from now, so I still have these days with her. Then after that it's every other weekend until Iget out there for good. We'll meet halfway in PA every 2 weeks. Gonna be a major hassle, but I have to live with it for now.

Yes, NJ has strict laws about letting the spouse take a child across state line without the other's approval. I had to approve because school starts out there earlier than here. I couldn't bear pulling her from school here just as she got together with her school friends again. So my wife is enrolling her out there.

We haven't come to any "signing agreements" part of it yet, but it's close. Real close.

 

[SecuLaw]

Here's what I suggest you do. Contact your local bar association and find out who the top 15 best divorce lawyers are in your area. Then make appoints with each one (first visits are usually free) and tell each one about your case. Now decide which one you wish to hire and hire him or her. Your wife will be left with having to hire, at best, the 16th best lawyer in the area. Why? Because the first 15 have knowledge about your case and are conflicted out of representing her.

Oh I remember my divorce lawyering days.....I still vomit.

 

[bramfrank]

I was the "caregiver" in the relationship for the last 5 years, and with no means of support I can't fight for custody.

She was the breadwinner for the last 5 of 7 years? Doesn't that entitle you to alimony? So her giving you support until you get a job may be moot. Her financial obligations may well extend beyond what she's agreed to.

Maybe that's why she's being so 'amicable'.

As to men divorcing women - makes me wonder how they will feel about the same sex couples thing she did that intiated the split. Fault, or no-fault.

We've all said it; You need a LAWYER.

 

[2wheelingdawg]

my only divorce cost me $150. It was in Fl. and we did a simple divorce. We agreed how to split up everything, which wasn't much. I walked away with the short end of the stick, but it was still cheaper than paying a lawyer. If you are fighting over 10 grand in home equity and burn up 20 grand in legal fees, what have you accomplished? Your case might be different. It was cheaper for me just to get released from the land mortgage and walk away. just my $.02 worth.

On the bright side, you just got a whole lot more riding time available!!!!

 

[Bungie]

.. and for all these stories, its the exact reason I never married. Came close once, but after we moved in together for a couple of months the writing was on the wall. She eventually returned the engagement ring and I sold it back to the jeweler for nearly what I paid for it. Bought a big screen TV with the proceeds.

Instead, my life has a been a string of long term (1-2 year) relationships. My income is mine, I have no kids and I've had the great pleasure of not being tied down with any woman longer than it takes to get to get bored/sick of them. So here I sit, 47 years old and every once in a great while I regret the thought of probably being single till I die. Then I read about your guys experience and realize I'm the luckiest man-whore on the planet.

Life is good, I am genuinely sorry to read about your experiences, but its been my experience, except for ultra rare cases, in the end, guys ALWAYS get the short end of the stick.

 

[beemerdons]

Bungie: I'm with you 100% on your method, My Brother! At 59 I'm firm believer in "Rent/Lease" option you've discovered; where you keep the same gal for a year or two and then upgrade to a newer model. To Hell with the "Invest to Own" Plan!!

 

[charismaticmegafauna]

Sounds like: The Little Rascals 'He-Man Woman-Haters Club'..... eh, "Spanky"?