Blonde Jokes

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Birdman2010

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Bugnatr posted these jokes in another thread. I busted out laughing so I thought that I would share them with everyone...

...blonde jokes? How's this.....

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"

or..

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde a dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 p.m. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 p.m. news was coming on.

The news crew was covering the story of a man preparing to jump off the ledge of a large building. The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!” Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 p.m. news, so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money.

 
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Blonde wallowing at the bar..."Tenderbar ! Tenderbar ! give me a drink , this heartburn killin' me ! Bartender .... Settle down Maggie, drinks a commin'. It would help your heartburn if you get your boob out of the ashtray.....

 
Guy and Blonde go to a nude beach and get quite sunburned.

After getting home they make vigorous and passionate love, the guy is both sore and sunburned and raw.

Guy gets up and goes to the kitchen, soothes his sore member in a cold glass of milk.

Blonde walks into kitchen and remarks

"Gee Honey, I always have wondered how you loaded that thing".

 
What does a Blonde say after sex?

.

.

Thanks guys!

**************************************

How do you get a Blonde up on the roof?

.

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tell her drinks are on the house.

***************************************

A blonde was cruising down the highway in her rag top vette and gets pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper, another blonde, walks up to her car and asks for her drivers license and proof of insurance. She digs in her purse and pulls out the insurance cert, but is having trouble locating her driving license. She asks the blonde trooper, maam, I can't seem to find my license, what does it look like? The blonde trooper responds, it's square and has your picture on it. She digs in her purse again, pulls out her compact mirror, flips it open, and thinks, this must be it, it's square and has my picture on it. She then hands it to the blonde trooper...the trooper takes a look at it and says....

.

.

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maam, why didn't you tell me you were a cop?

 
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