Toecutter
What would DoG do?
Seen this one?
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER:
HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at
An American University.
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his
or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of a
short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
paragraph,
and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written
each
time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The
story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
--------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(First, paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him,
too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
------------------------------------------------------
(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,
he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the
cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands
of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of
its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty
the
Anu'udrian, ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
and
85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
'em
out of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Wanker.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Slut.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Get f*cked.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Eat shit.
--------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER:
HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at
An American University.
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his
or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of a
short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
paragraph,
and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written
each
time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The
story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
--------------------------------------------------------------
STORY:
(First, paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him,
too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
------------------------------------------------------
(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,
he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the
cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands
of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of
its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty
the
Anu'udrian, ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
and
85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
'em
out of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Wanker.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Slut.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
Get f*cked.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Eat shit.
--------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
