I SURVIVED!

[rogdeb]

:lol: :lol:

When's the movie coming out?

Jeez, take care will ya? Could have been nastier.

 

[Fencer]

SCAB - a man who lives up to his name :assassin:

Duct tape - 2 new uses with one name - "fix a wing" 1. repair a Goldwing 2. stop Scab's arm from bleeding when he stabbed himself.

You're anglin for another set of free tires ain't cha?

 

[Zoltan]

When ever I want to stab the shit out of myself I choose Gerber!

Made in America by Americans to stab the shit out of my dumb American ass!

Take 2 asprins and call me in the morning.

That had to hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zoltan :dribble:

 

[Bounce]

OUCH!

 

[Scab]

...still waiting for my trophy.

 

[twowheelnut]

...still waiting for my trophy.

Call: 1-800-I Eat Sand.

 

[painman]

Dang Scab, tryin to kill yourself? That sounded like a scene from a Freddie Kruger movie. And tellin your boy to get the sewing kit sounds like a John Wayne pic all you needed was a bullit to bite on. You trust your son more than I would mine. Glad your ok though. Take care, Painman. <>< :blink:

 

[FtLFjr]

It was Saturday. I rose early to get a start on my day. As per my usual routine, I brushed the nights growth of fungus from my teeth. Then I reached for the mouthwash. I immediately noticed that the cap had not been screwed back on but was just sitting on top of the plastic bottle. Not surprising, since my wife had already been here and I remembered that she has trouble with those caps. You know the ones. The ones that have those nastly little child-proof latches moulded into the neck of the bottle, requiring that you have the grip of polydent so that you can squeeze the living daylights out of the cap while you twist it for removal.Geez, I am slipping on my job. It is my job to removing these annoying tabs and this bottle is already three days into use.

I go retrieve one of my knives. I pick one of my more sturdy knives. A Gerber lock-blade with a fairly thick blade. These little mouthwash bottle tabs are deceptively stout.

I wedge the blade in between the neck of the bottle and one of the tabs which is offset on a little colar. The cutting edge is facing me with the tip of the blade pointing towards my left. I pry and pull in a see-saw action that brings a quick demise to the frustrating little tab. One down, one to go. I spin the bottle 180 degrees and launch attack number two. Same attack. Die, little tab, die. Oh, no. My angle of attack is a little off. I am a little bit high on the mark. There is going to be some tab remaining. This will never do. I remove the knife and realign for attack number three. This is going to take a little more twist on the blade. I am having to be very careful now and use more force so the blade doesn't slip up into the previous gouge. Oh, yeah, it's working. Pull. Pull. Harder, harder. Twist...

BAM! Tab is destroyed!

And the knife is now about an inch deep into my left arm. Shit.

Well, it's one of those times where the body knows what's coming before the brain has time to comprehend. I had already put the knife down and now I turned my attention to the arm to see what damage was done. This is where it gets weird. The wound had already started to respond to the attack and was gaping open. Wide. Funny thing is that the blood was slow on getting to the party. Without thinking, my right hand tried to reunite the two newly seperated halves of skin and simultaneously applied the GI Joe Kung Fu grip. Up above the heart the arm goes, kinda like some dumbass salute. Yeah, any dumbass would have recognized the salute because right now I was their supreme commander.

I better go wake up boy. He's gonna like this.

He is my son, Andrew. I call him boy. It works for us.

So, I called to him and told him to wake up, that I had a little emergency that required his attention. He mumbled from somewhere under the pile of blankets: "What'd you do?"

"I stabbed myself with a knife."

"Let me get my contacts in," was the reply. No shock. No surprise. WTF? Oh, yeah, that supreme commander thing.

Back to the bathroom.

It seems boy is a cool as a cucumber under pressure. And he is quite skilled at applying a tournequette. Who knew? He proceeded to thouroughly clean the wound with hydrogen peroxide. Of course now the blood remembered that it was fluid and I promptly redecorated the bathroom in crime-scene red.

"So," I asked boy, "Do you want to stitch this up or do you want me to go to the doctor?"

"I'll do it." Was the a-little-too-quick reply.

Out comes the sewing supplies. We soaked some nylon thread in alcohol, along with a standard sewing needle. Sewing needles, by the way, weren't meant for skin. (just in case you didn't already know) I held the two halves together and boy proceeded to poke holes around my new hole. For some reason, one half was easily pierced but the other half resisted. After three holes (all on one side of the wound), we called the game due to rain and dressed the area for the ride to the real doctor. It was a nice dressing, comprised of one extra-large band-aid, three peices of gauze, and duct tape. 200 mph tested, Nascar approved. Where's Jeff Foxworthy when you need him? (You might be a redneck if...you stab yourself with your own knife, then patch it back together with duct tape.)

Several hours, eight stitches, and one tetanus shot later, all is well with the world.

Except for one little bit of business. I don't know for sure which forum member is currently holding the dumbass award, but you have been dethroned. Please send me the trophy.

Always wondered why they called you Scab...

Now I know..... :assassin:

Better luck next time

 

[Greg E.]

Ever think of changing the name to ...Stab?????????? Anywhoooo ....glad the bleedings quit.

-GSE-

 

[Fencer]

...still waiting for my trophy.

The one signed by Darwin?

 

[teerex51]

Scab,

that was a scene right out of an Inspector Clouseau movie... :rofl:

"... er... I sink I just stabbed myself...."

 

[throttlejockeyTJ]

Only an inch. What you wern't in the mood that morning for exploratory surgery? Glad your going to be Ok. Learn from the experience and keep the OLD cap from this bottle to transfer to the NEXT New bottle. How did the Misses like the Crime Scene? Oh ane remember Chicks dig scars. :yahoo: TJ

I am glad you guys keep uping the Dumbass Bar, at this rate I will never catch up. :dribble:

 

[Scab]

I am glad you guys keep uping the Dumbass Bar, at this rate I will never catch up. :dribble:

Just doing my part to help you guys out. Anytime your SO's cast the glance of "I can't believe you're this stupid" your way, show them this thread.

There should be an immediate restoration of her perception of your intellectual prowess.

 

[nusman68]

-better keep one of these in the medicine cabinet.........and don't forget this... Glad to hear it worked out!

 

[v65]

...still waiting for my trophy.

The one signed by Darwin?

Why is it you guys keep blaming these stunts on me? Oh yeah, you spell it funny

-Darwyn

 

[Fencer]

...still waiting for my trophy.

The one signed by Darwin?

Why is it you guys keep blaming these stunts on me? Oh yeah, you spell it funny

-Darwyn

Darwyn - the comic book guy?

 

[Wingman]

The side cutters (aka "dikes") work much better than knives for those damn mouthwash bottle lids. Or you can just take the old one off and use it on the new bottle if you are lazy like me. The curved needles work better when flesh stitching is required, but those disposable staplers look like a good addition to the first aid kit. Get well soon.

David

 

[v65]

...still waiting for my trophy.

The one signed by Darwin?

Why is it you guys keep blaming these stunts on me? Oh yeah, you spell it funny

-Darwyn

Darwyn - the comic book guy?

No <_< Googled my name once and that guy is all over the damn place, I only got a couple of hits. Like scabs sig line says, I am famous at home. Mentioning scab keeps this on topic right?